I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
