come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this will be a night to untag.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
