i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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