wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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