You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
