It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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