Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize