please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
