he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize