and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
