I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
