Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
soo... how was my night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
