I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize