Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
