i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My liver just broke up with me...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
