I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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