When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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