between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He has the fingertips of a God
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