She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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