btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
