i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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