yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
