My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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