just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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