I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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