we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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