If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
