I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
