I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
