now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
