Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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