I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
