She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
