I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
