AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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