My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
