Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
