I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
