Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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