is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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