In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
