Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
