At least make sure they are 18
Why
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My bed smells like the plague
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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