So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
