This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
