Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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