god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
