just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i came on her dog
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
