i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
time to smoke my breakfast
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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