so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
