i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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