I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
