I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
