booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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