As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
