I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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