why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
