We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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