lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
