i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize