i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
