You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
