I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
