No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
