:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i came on her dog
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
