My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
