What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
