Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize