i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
