remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
